Monsters in 'Merica

Monsters in ‘Merica

A News Anchor gets more than he bargains for when interviewing a local monster hunter.

     “And now let’s take it out to the streets with ace anchor Kip McMillan. Kip what kind of adventures are you up to today?”

      Kip McMillan former sports anchor turned man on the street interview jock was out on assignment to interview the local nut balls of the community. He knew this was his last chance to try to make it before being put out to pasture for good. They had sent him out to the boardwalk during a bright sunny, morning with some unseasonably choppy waters. “Thanks Wink. Down here at Finnegan’s Boardwalk people come for a variety of reasons. Some come for the rides, some people come for the freak show, parents bring their kids to fly kites and play in the water, young men bring lovely young ladies on a first date at Scoop’s of Fun, and to play giant skee ball but today we see a new kind of visitor, a visitor that has not been seen before. No not the occupiers, not the elderly nudists, not even the puppet lovers of America, no today we meet Wally Fitzgivens and his marry band of monster fishermen, yes a group that has turned their attention from fishing for fish and have started fishing, for sea monsters.”

Fitzgivens was a small man, inches above dwarf, looking like a mix between a barnacle with eyes and the surf and turf that Kip had eaten for dinner last night, and came back this morning. “I saw’s me this documentary a few weeks ago. My grandson Billy told me about it. He said that there was some monsters attacking the coast down in there in the Japan. I knew I had to do my part to keep my home safe, I is all that stands between monsters, and ‘merica.”

     “Mr. Fitzgivens what as the name of this documentary you watched?” asked Kip trying to stay as professional as possible.

     “Well sir, I don’t speak the language but they seemed to keep calling the monsters Gojirraz.” Replied Fitzgivins with the conviction of a priest giving his Sunday sermon.

     “You mean you watched Godzilla sir?” asked Kip.

     “Could have been, again I don’t speak there talk so good.” Fitzgivins lack of formal education shining through.

     “Have you happened to have caught anything yet Mr.Fitzgivens?” Kip was trying to keep his composure.

     “In fact we have made quite the haul, and my grandson has been good enough to help me classify each and every one of them. Here we have a Rodan, this one is a Kraken, and this one is my prized catch so far, I got me a genuine Cathulu. People have been trying to tell me that these here are the things of myth and legend, but the proof is in the pudding. Your eyes don’t lie.” Fitzginins gleemed his proudest smile that could indeed scare the bravest child.

     “Mr.Fitzgivens, that one is a frog. Albeit a very large frog, I would say fifteen pounds, but a frog none the less. This Cathulu as you call it seems to be a fish that choked on a squid. Not to discourage you but I don’t know that these are actually sea monsters as much as they are just normal sea creatures that pose no actual threat. Have you ever thought about maybe trying to turn your attention to creatures of the land? The Bigfoot perhaps? The Chupacabra maybe? Or even the Jersey Devil?” Kip was at the end of his rope, professionalism be damned, if it meant that his staying would mean more lunatics like this then he was finished.

     “What do you think I am? Some kind of nut? What’s next I should go chasing fairies and leprechauns? I am looking to protect our shores from a real threat, not some scary story your mama told you at bed time.” Fitzgivens was starting to get defensive.

     “I don’t mean to offend Mr.Fitzgivens. Let’s say that there really is a large group of sea monsters coming this way. What are you going to do if you catch one of these monsters? What are you using for bait?” Kip realized that he did need this job, it was all he had, and if he could hold on for just three more weeks he could retire with his pension and try to make some semblance of a new life.

     “Oh these, these aren’t the monsters, these here are monster babies. I caught these babies to use as bait. The way I sees it, little monsters get eaten by bigger monsters, it’s how the food chain works, and if I took your babies would you want to come get them back?” Said Fitzgivins with a certain amount of glee.

     Kip was hearing the voice of his producer in his earwig, he could hear the worry, bordering on terror in his voice. “Hold on I’m getting word that the National Guard has just issued a state of emergency. They said something is coming this way, it’s big and it’s coming fast. We have to get out of here.”

     “Oh yeah she’s on her way, and she’s pissed.” A giant grin came across Fitzgivens face like a kid on Christmas.

     Winks voice started coming through now. “Sorry to break in Kip, but we just got word that the Navy has lost four ships to this thing. You have to get out of there.”

     “Oh god it’s too late, it’s here and it’s gigantic! Are you getting this?” Kip could not believe what he was seeing. A three legged monster the size of a building, red eyes glowing like the infernos of hell. Claws the size of Volkswagens, and heat that Kip could feel coming from its breath.

     The giant monster emerged from the water larger and more terrifying than anything Kip could have ever imagined. It’s opened its giant mouth filled with razor sharp teeth, Kip knew he would not survive, so he did the only thing he could think of. “Can I get an interview?”

 

Once in a Lifetime

My Latest for the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge. Enjoy

Parameters: 1,000 words

Genre: Ghost Story

Location: Hotel Room

Object: Tricycle

The ad was simple enough: “Want to win $1,000,000?!?! Well sign up to be a part in a new and exciting reality experience. Survive the night and become a millionaire! Join us for the ‘Night of a Million Scares!’” For a twenty five year old with a career in the illustrious fast food industry, the idea of becoming an instant millionaire seemed like a pretty enticing proposition. A few interviews with producers, production assistants, and casting directors later, here I am sitting alone in an abandoned “haunted” hotel in Seattle. At least I’m getting a free vacation out of it. Besides, ghosts are about as real as mermaids, and the only mermaids I have ever seen are on the sign at Starbucks.   

     Three hours in, very little creepy to report so far. There have been some strange noises like creaking doors, loud bangs, and the occasional footsteps coming down the hall. It’s a good thing I know that all of this reality show stuff is just staged so they can get better ratings. They probably set up speakers all over this place and right now there is some four hundred pound, sweaty, Cheeto fingered butt scratcher sitting behind a bank of monitors pushing play on a sound effects CD just trying to get reactions. I will play their game. I will give ‘em jumps and a scream or two maybe. Hell, if they throw in some thunder and lightning, I may even pee my pants. That’d be some ratings gold. Got to be worth a million bucks, right? Shit, what would you do for a Klondike bar?

     Well, it’s been about four hours and I have to admit they have pulled all the stops. I think maybe they got Steven Spielberg’s haunted house guys to work this place. If I actually believed in ghosts and shit this would really be getting to me. A few minutes ago there was a blood curdling scream from down the hall, almost like someone was actually getting murdered. Like really, really murdered. It’s like they somehow figured out a way of making whispers in my head, too. It’s weird, like the whispering is actually in my head- my own thoughts. Like someone is right next to me. A young girl’s voice keeps asking for help and saying that It’s coming to get me. “It’s gotten the others and you’re next.” Good trick, but I’m not giving up. I’m a millionaire! I just have to get through the next few hours. I can do this- although, I am starting to feel nervous.

     Okay, not funny anymore. I want out. Who the hell do I talk to give up? I don’t know how they are doing this shit but it’s not worth the money. I tried to open the door, but it’s sealed tight, windows boarded up, too. The only way that I know the rest of the world still exists is the peep hole. I tried to see if anything is out there. Nothing. Then I saw her. The little girl, riding down the hall on a rusted old tricycle. It whined with an ear piercing squeal-loud even through the thick, locked door. Her mouth was moving and I shouldn’t have, but I heard her clearly, in my head. She said its close and that I am already dead. She looked right at me. Oh God, how she looked at me! Her right eye a milky white, glazed over with a single tear of blood streaming down her snow white cheek. The other eye was missing, blown out through the back of her head like she had met the business end of a shotgun at point blank range. As she passed, I noticed that her right leg was mostly missing- attached only by a ligament dragging what was left of the gnarled, misshapen mass that was once a girl’s leg. Now, it was more like a half-eaten dog bone with a small, white sandal still strapped to the tiny foot. She looked at me. She looked through me. She smiled. It shook me to my core. I couldn’t take any more of it, but I couldn’t look away. She held a single finger to her lips and as clear and I could hear my own screams I heard her “sshhhhhhhh”. And then she disappeared, I don’t know how. I don’t think this is a game anymore. She is real. Holy shit, what I have gotten myself into? She is real and she tried to warn me and now whatever is after me, whatever got to her first, whatever it is, it’s coming for me and I can’t stop it! Oh God, I don’t want the money. I don’t want anything. I just want out! I JUST WANT OUT!

     I can hear it now. It’s just outside the door. I can hear its screams and snarls. I can see its shadow through the peephole. She is in the room with me. Sitting right in front of me, her hollow socket glistening in the small burst of lightning that is sporadically illuminating the room. I don’t fear her now; she is a victim, just like all the rest. There never was a television show, there was no money. It was a trick. It takes people with little to no value in society and brings them here to… to eat them. Or something. I think I will find out soon enough, I guess. I have come to terms with this. I am not afraid. It’s all real, everything they ever told us wasn’t real is. My only hope now is that Heaven is real, too. Ghosts, ghouls, vampires, werewolves, mermaids- they’re all real.

     It’s right outside the door now. The girl is gone. The whispers have stopped. Maybe there is more to life than just money. Maybe there is more to life than being famous for five minutes. Maybe there is more to life and death than any of us can ever imagine. Maybe… shit… too late.

Shit Loads of Shit

I have decided to start putting all my writing, out there I figure if it's out there why knows maybe someone will find it and get something out of it, here is the beginning, this is all the old stuff, there is alot of it, and although I have not read it in 10+ years I am sure it all mostly terrible but hey maybe one or two are not so bad. so without further adieu.... My soul...

“Forrest”

Have we ever felt the pain so full as when It was lull?
learn from it not for a day but for a lifetime of eternal Flames,
they burn and scar but can not kill, For they are hear by our own will.

Did I ever get to see a person as kind as a tree.
to shed a tear of earthly plight to reach us up to heavenly delight

Have we ever tried to get things right even in the dead of night?
When ghost and goblins do appear if just to shed a single tear
for those who have come before and sang the songs and fed the poor

Will we ever know what is truly real?
Where every thing is real and we can not see or feel
Only we will still believe for we are here to live then leave



“Winded”

I try to sing but I have no voice.
I try to talk but get no choice.
I try To fight back but I can not pray.
I try To yell but have no say.
I try to break free but have no strength.
I try to Live but I know I will soon die,
for today was the day that I cry.



The time passes by and by and by, but I know
that I will never fly. To be up with the stars
up in the sky a place with out pain or death
up high.



When There is one you’ll know, This one will stay
and never go, And on the day you meet this special
one don’t let them pass for something small, it may be
that they have done something that seems so wrong
but in the end isn’t life a journey we learn from the
things we do.



I see a figure in the night as lovely as to capture all of earths delight.



“Words”

Some words are said to hurt
some are said to heal
some are said to say good bye
and others can make you feel
Some words just come out wrong
or get led a stray
I try to say the right thing
but it comes out the wrong way
Now I say I am sorry for all that
I have done, for all I could say is…
words of how I felt, so can you be
forgiving and let me in your life.



“Missed”

I try to be every thing to you but I couldn’t be enough
I try to be But try too hard, I don’t come off tough
I try to see, But am blinded, by Beauty
I try so hard for notification, But find only more Frustration
I try But soon I will die, Knowing more, now I cry
I try No more, You will survive



Life is full of good
Life is full of bad
Life is a lasting journey
Life is Free
Life is done
Life is over
Live for now
Die for then
Cry for me a single tear
Cry for me without fear



Angles come in many forms. Will you know one when you see one ?





“All For You”
Say hello
Say goodbye
We will not be forced to cry

Shed a tear for the past
Do it now
Do it fast

Try not to be too long
For we have to carry on

Try to mend broken Hearts
Mend the seams
Beat the sharks
Defend the weak
Uphold the True

Try to be all I can for you



Alone by myself in the dark
Trying to make sense of life
Finding no answers
Being the dark
Trying to be free
Finding nothing
Destroying everything
Being Alone



Life is long but oh so short
Man is free to play a sport
We are here destine to die
Man was never meant to fly



sing a song about today
stop and here the children play
silence is all that we here
we all live alone in fear
try to live
try to cry
this is the day all will die



“SEE ME”

The invisible man
The invisible thing
The Invisible Monster Nobody sees

Trying to make you see all that you have
Trying to show you what makes him mad
Trying to be all to the world

Making everyone happy
Making everything work

Crying again
For an Invisible man



You get pushed around all day
Get pushed till it hurts
Till you push back and with a smirk
You push back and with all your might
You push just once and that’s it
One last push to end the fight



Love is such a simple thing
Love can touch so many people
Love is forever sparked in just an instant



Walking on rose peddles
trying not to fall
always knowing I am having a ball
I see her in my dreams never knowing
But always showing
Loving without knowing
Life is for lovers and now me too



“It All Seemed So Far Away”

The greatest pain in life
is not to die,
but to be ignored.
To lose the person you love so much
to another who doesn't care at all.
To have someone you care so about so much
throw a party...
and not tell you about it.
When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.
To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.
To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".
When you show someone your innermost thoughts
and they laugh in your face.
For friends to always be
too busy to console you
when you need someone to lift your spirits.
When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?
Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others



“Untitled”

She cringes in a faraway corner,
Afraid of that hand above in the air.
Many times that hand has hurt her.
She searches to find someone who cares.
Her screams ring out into the night,
Stinging tears roll down her face.
She doesn't have enough strength to fight.
She reaches out for gentle arms to embrace.
But all that's there is the cold air.
Her safe world has been shattered,
And she cries, alone
Thinking nobody cares.
Her eyeliner now tattered
She thinks that she is all alone
She thinks no one cares
She has trouble finding me at the top of the stair



“Bliss in The Eye”

We put on a smile to make others happy
Inside we cry to Know others have died
All is fine in our minds, no one is hurt, everyone is free
We know were alone but also that were gonna die

Ignorance is bliss, I wish to be smart
Genius is taunted, I wish to be Deaf
Hearing is one gift to be taken away
Sight is another, Blind me, I’ll see
One other is someone to have and to hold
with whom I know I can never ever grow old

We will live forever if only in our mind
We can live forever If only for a short time
We Have to live forever just so we can fly
In your arms I am secure To live for now and learn to fly



“GOOD-BYE”

I wish I could be your hero
I wish I could give you more today
I wish I had one more life to give
I wish I had one more day for you
I wish I had time to tell you everything I want
I wish that I was as much to you as you are to me
I wish you saw me the way I see you
I wish for things that can not be
I wish I could set you free



Freedom comes in many forms can you free yourself of everything you need
Freedom can be given
Freedom can be taken
Freedom is for the free
Freedom is not for me I can never be free



When the world is over, when the world is gone will we ever know it was here at all
Will we scream or will we ball, perhaps none of that at all
Will we know of all the greats those who fight to give us rights, The right to freedom, The right to speech, The right to bare, for each
Will these souls be forgotten, Will they be honored for lives forgotten,
Will we see the days coming, or will it be quick like a star exploding,
Will we be remembered for great things we’ve done, or will the parents think of there only son
Will the Wars we’ve fought die with us to be forgotten in a hand full of Dust.



“FELL LIKE US”

Feeling like we are alone, knowing we are not
Feeling like we have come so far, knowing we have not
Feeling like we have done nothing, knowing we have done all we could
Feeling like we are free, knowing we are not
Felling like we are gonna live forever, knowing we will not
Felling like we have it all, knowing we do



Life is like a perfect circle never quits never has to end. Life has no ends just skips along the way.



“LOVE IS FREE”

In my mind the world is great
In my mind there are no wars
In my mind only love exists
In my mind life is peaceful
In my mind We are free
In my mind I can fly
In my mind I won’t die
In my mind there is just me and you
In my mind you love me too



“THE RIGHT”

The right to free speech, to say what we want
The right to religion, to practice what we preach
The right to bare, to protect ourselves
The right to be free, a judgment made only by me


“LIFE, LOVE, DEATH,”

Life is for the living
Death is for us all
None will live forever
I can’t give you forever
I can only give you today
I give you all I have
I give you what I can
I can’t give you fortune
I can’t give you fame
All I can give is me
All I can give is here and now
All I can give is life



“I AM THE ONE”

Why do I keep fooling myself.
When I know you love someone else.
Only a fool breaks his own heart.
I am a true fool
I am the one that loved and lost
I am the one who died that night
I am the one who loved you without return
I am the one who tried to be
I am the one who was free to do whatever I wanted
I am the one who knew you would leave me
I am the one...



Can we ever be seen
Can we ever be free
Can we ever be us
Can we ever be what we want to be
Can we ever be..




“Dieing For Today”

Death is inevitable
We can’t escape it
Most can’t embrace it
We all know it’s coming
Everyone is dying every minute of every day
Try to live life to it’s fullest
Life may be long
Life may be short
Life may end quick
Life may be taken
Life is so fragile
Life is so short
Life is so ling
Life is life
Death is death
Live for the now Die for then
Be free



“As I Looked Back At Myself”

Don't mourn for me when I'm gone, I lived my life, I sang my song Life was indifferent, bad and wrong But still I tried to carry on Kept the faith when night was stark Cried my tears within the dark Never let on, my heart's deep mark On my childhood pains, I hark Don't care too much, for I was here To leave my mark ere I disappear I've loved and lost, but life is drear And nothing! Nothing, keeps me here It's true I loved you from the start To you I always gave my heart But life's not kind, when we did part I couldn't go on, didn't want to start I don't want to see you hurt as I bring pain, to those who comfort try Although I tried, to learn to fly Just crash and burn and lingering sigh I don't want you to cry for me Now my spirit has been set free From this world of tyranny True freedom, in death I've found the key This message has been ever long But to tell you is not wrong Please accept your grief, move on Don't mourn for me when I'm gone



Today was the day I cry
Tomorrow is the day I’ll die
Yesterday will last forever
and the last day will never come
for that day is for no one



You make me feel so lonely Even though you’re near You tell me not to be afraid Then all I feel is fear



Why do you make my feel so bad? When you’re meant to be my friend Is it me, not good enough? Is that why you choose to pretend?



“Is This Love ?”

Is This Love that I feel
Is this feeling really real
Can I know if what I feel is true
Is it true I love you
In a world of true love am I lost
It feels so true it feels so real
Can It be I’m in love
Can it be True
In Love with you
Freedom to be me
Freedom to be free
How could love come to me?


“Life Exists Only in Dreams”

Last night as I slept I saw you
I saw you for who you are
I saw you for your beauty
I saw you for your Mind
I saw you for all you mean to me
I saw how you could never love me
I saw The End



In the Dark I said good bye
In the light I said nothing
In the end I left freely
In the Beginning I was scared to enter
In The last I said I love you
At the start I said I would



When your not here I feels so alone
When your around I feel even worse
When I see you I can’t help but hide
When you come near I can’t find any pride
When it’s the end please tell me why
When it’s the end I hope I don’t die
When it all stared it seemed so good
When it all started it was just the end



I Never Wanted to be Your One and Only,
Never Wanted to be Your Last Resort,
Wanted to Love You for All Time,
Love Was Something I Couldn’t Ever Show You,
Something’s Are Better Left Alone,
Better Alone is What You Said You Where Without Me,
Alone Together You Never Wanted to be With Me,
Together Never Again Will I See Your Face,
Never Again,
And Again I’m Leave This Place Never to Return.



The Only time I cry is when I’m without you
The Only Time I’m happy is when you are around
The Only one I want to see is you
The Only way is to say
The Only question can never be answered.
Why Not-


“Found”

Can you save me from me, Can you see what I mean, Can we ever be happy together, Can we say tomorrow that we did it all for us, Can we do what we want to without a care, Can we walk into tomorrow and never look back, Can we do all we say, Can we make it last today, Can we see what lies ahead, Can we lie back down in bed, Can I see you one last time before I go, Can I say what I will without resentment rejection or fear, Can we be together forever, Can we be, Can we try, Can we make it if we do what we want to and not see what happens, Can we do it our way, Can we make it, Can we see what the day brings, Can we, Can we say what we mean and say yes, Can we be one, Can we be free, Can we be, Can we?



“A Fire Inside”

I felt alone until I saw you,
It was this feeling I couldn’t understand,
a compression that swelled and subsided within my chest
my soul a flame from what you said
life made sense
I could go on
Love made sense
you were real
you are for me
one day I’ll prove it to you and one day you’ll see
one day together
one day to be free
that day will last an eternity
alone in your arms sleep through the night
last night together tomorrow you’ll go I’ll be left alone
sleep well



“IN DARKNESS TOGTHER, THEY DANCE”

Like two perfect strangers gliding through the night with the utmost ease and grace, they dance.
Two Figures that go together and at the same time don’t fit at all.
Alone in a world of darkness, a world of pain and hate, they dance.
Never knowing if they will look deeply into each others eyes again.
A chance meeting with no assurances and no regret, without thought or reason, they dance.
Like ghostly figures there just for a moment, figures gone as fast as they appeared.
Never saying goodbye, never saying hello, never saying a word, they dance
Lost to the darkness forever, never to see one another again.
they dance.


“Secrets Reviled”

You tell me things I don’t want to here.
I know I must, even if I will shed a tear.
How do I react to what you say.
How can I say what I want today.
How can I show you the way I feel.
How can I believe that all this is real.
I know I can not change what’s past.
I will try to make it last.



I never knew till I heard the words within my head
I never knew what you were saying till you said good bye
I never understood your words till you left forever
I never knew your heart was so full till I longer had it in my hand
I never knew true love till you walked out the door
I always knew we would be together someday
I never knew it would end this way...



“Untitled”

The world just shut us out we had nowhere to go, I was addicted
you looked at me and said it would be alright
I had to rely on other people to help get us out, I was addicted
you looked at me and said it would be alright
We had to live on what we had , I was addicted
you looked at me and said it would be alright
We moved in together I had to take two jobs to support us, I was addicted
you looked at me and said it would be alright
We bought a home filled it with love, almost lost it all, I was addicted
you Kissed me and said it would be alright
I lost you in the blink of an eye, I was addicted
you were not to tell me it would be alright, you were addicted



“Blue Star”

I met her long ago, the glow was just not bright enough to see
I knew her as a friend, never then was there any fright
I talked to her so openly, no secret was too taboo
I always knew she would never laugh
I never thought that love was possible
I saw her one day, she sang a song just for me
I knew that it was all different, never to be the same
I saw Love was in full bloom
I tried to say how I felt but the words just came out wrong
I said it in words, in actions, in school
I knew I was far from cool
I knew she could never see me for me
In the end “I love you” is all I could say
She never responded
She just walked out that day
“I love you” is all I could say



I Know an Angel. She’ll never know it. She is special. And I love her.



I walk through a world of darkness my only light it the burning of my soul for you.
I try to go on without you I know it’s a mistake and I can never let you go.
I will keep walking through the darkness even when the light is gone,
I will walk not knowing where I am or how to escape just alone in the darkness with a memory of you to keep me sane.


I never thought that love would exist, between the two of us.
I never thought that it was true, the first time that we kissed.
I never believed you could love me, after so long that I loved you.
I said the words the deed was through, your reaction surprised
I looked into your eyes and didn’t say a word, I knew that you loved me.
I had to go you knew I’d return, not knowing when, I’ll love you till then.


“Final Friends”

I talked to you one last time.
I said I loved you.
I went on with my life.
I didn’t know if you loved me.
I tried everything.
I kissed you under the moon.
I didn’t think twice.
You had to go.
I died the night you went away.
I don’t know if you’ll ever love me.
I do love you. It’s not just words.


“When Do You Know To Give It Up?”

The hero is winded, The enemy’s gone.
Dose he ever get the girl?
The battles been won, nothing was solved.
Dose he ever get the girl?
The songs have been sung, the group has gone on.
Dose he ever get the girl?
The time is ending, She’s moving on.
Dose he ever get the girl?
His time has come, He’s leaving this world.
Dose he ever get the girl?
Saying good bye, taking one final bow.
Dose he ever get the girl?
Now this is it, One final kiss, Will he ever know, Will he be missed.
Dose he ever get the girl?
Saying he loves, Gets no response, Guess it’s all done, another sole lost.
Dose he ever get the girl?
Don’t forget me, He says as he leaves, Last goodbye to true love, she leaves, he dies
Dose he ever get the girl?


“Summer Sun”

What did you do today?
Did you have fun out in the sun today?
See the tree’s and birds and things today ?
Are you ever happy there today?
Do you have a single care today?
Have you seen the news today?
Did you sing and dance today?
Will you think of me today?
Will I cry again today?
Will I hear your voice today?
Do I have any choice today?


“Misbelieve”

Do I really know love?
Do I really know you?
Do I really think that we are happy?
Do I really believe the things you say?
Do I really want to know?
Do you really want to show?
You tell me things I know are true
I can’t understand what you go through
I try to see but I just try
Promise me that you’ll never die


I feel so helpless,
I feel so alone,
I feel like there is nothing that I can say,
I feel like you need so much and that I can’t do a thing,


“Never Know What Is Coming”

I feel for another something that I can’t explain.
I think about you all the time.
I talk about you with everyone.
I see you in every face I see and every dream I have.
I don’t want to say goodbye.
I don’t want to let you go.
I think I love you oh so much.
I can’t love you enough.
I have so many people but I am so alone.
I think about you and me.
My heart can’t tell me what to do.
I am only so strong.
I know I love you with all my Heart.
I can’t go on.
It’s so simple to just let go.
Say good bye one last time.
This might be the last you see me.


“Life So Long”

Life is full of anger.
Life is full of Pain,
Life is nothing more than a crazy game.
Life is one thing I can’t handle.
Life is a little too insane.
Life is the one thing I can not explain.
Life is a struggle.
Life is a test.
Life is the one thing that is always a mess.
Life will keep on going.
Life will not end.
Life is always changing
Life is the one thing I can not give you.
Life is ever ended.
Life is just beginning.
My life was meant for you.


“Midnight”

I am coming.
Pack your bags.
Don’t tell them where you’re going.
Will leave tonight and not look back.
Don’t know what were doing.
I won’t leave you out in the cold.
I will stay and make you whole.
Don’t cry a tear for yesterday
We don’t know where we’re going.
Let’s leave now you cannot stand.
One more night of anger.
I can help you get out.
You just have to let me try.


“Maybe Not”

Feeling like were out of touch.
Maybe I just care too much.
Feeling like were out of time.
Maybe I am out of my mind.
Feeling like looking back.
Maybe I should, maybe not.
Feeling like I have lost it all.
Maybe you just caught my fall.
Feeling like I have no release.
Maybe you had the only key.
Feeling like Love is gone.
Maybe right, Maybe wrong.
Feeling like a stranger not knowing who I am.
Maybe that is all that I can ever be.
Feeling like letting go.
Maybe you are here to save me.
Maybe you were meant to save me.
Maybe the other way around.



“One Long Night”

One Night in December you said you could end it all.
One Night in December you could have a Mighty fall.
One Night in December you could have taught them all a lesson.
One Night in December you were vulnerable.
One Night in December you were up against a wall.
One Night in December I wish that I had called.
One Night in December I wasn’t there to turn to.
One Night in December I could sense something wrong with you.
One Night in December the last night you’d forgot.
One Night in December you could have had the world.
One Night in December in a Corner you were curled.
One Night in December it would seem so long ago.
One Night in December I could have never let you go.
One Night in December it would happen in a whirl.
One Night in December you were my perfect girl.
One Night in December I wished it could have been me.
One Night in December you lost your reality.
One Night in December I didn’t realize how much you meant to me.
One Night in December Love didn’t know us at all.
One Night in December For you I would change it all.
One Night in December Love had lost its voice.
For One Night in December you made the right choice.


“Long Distance”

I waited for your call
My phone never rang.
I waited for your voice
Not a sound was herd.
I waited for the touch of your lips once more.
Alone I sat in a world of pain.
I waited till you’d to take my hand.
It sits on a shelf not a friend in this land.
I waited for your answer.
You took my soul and I couldn’t let go.
I waited for you to return.
I am still waiting
I am still waiting…


Take Pity on me I know not what I do. I simply follow love’s rules and not knowing how to play; I sit alone and think about you all day. I think about how you must fell, what you must think, and if you love me as you say. I think about all of these things and I cry. I can not deny all that I fell I can not deny what this is that I feel when you are near; All I know of love is you. All I know of heart break is lost. All I need to know is that with you by my side I can do anything. I know all this and I cry. I try to be the best for you. I try to see what you see. I try to make everything so perfect. I try to go on without you. I try so hard and yet I still cry. I talk to myself. I talk to other people. I talk to the walls. I talk to my memories of you. I talk and I cry, One day I will die, One day I will see you, One day I won’t cry, One day you will understand what true love is. One day you will love someone as much as I love you. One day you will understand. One day. One day… just one more day.


“One Year Later”

Where will you be in 2003?
Will you be around to see?
Will you have been alone with someone?
Will you have known Loves first kiss?
Will you be with the one you love?
Will you know the one you love?
Will you see me on that day?
Will you know what to say?
Will you be alone in your world?
Will you know that I still love you?
Will you see that I still care?
Will you still have my soul to bear?
Will my heart be broken?
Will it still be beating?
Will you still say yes?
Could you ever say yes?
Will you Marry Me?


“You Had Me At You Know”

She is the spirit that I see never there but always with me.
She doesn’t know it but I know how she feels.
She never noticed that when she left.
She had my soul.
She lost her own so long ago.
She never knew it was even gone.
She lived in a sad lonely world.
She died long ago.
She lived on in my heart.
She lived on as a spirit
She was my ghost.
She was perfect.
She saved me.
She stole my heart and my soul.
She is the one I love.
She is the one.
She is.


“Insomnia”

I am alone in this world no one cares about me.
Lived my whole life.
Not a care in this world.
Now I can sleep.
In the corner I am curled.
Huddled in the corner.
Too afraid to move.
He is coming for me
No a single thing I can do.
Another hand, another blow, another cry out in the dark.
Now what can I do.
I am all alone.
The blood will not soak through.
I promise not to tell.
I am alone in this my final hell.
But now I am free and can be hurt no more.
For now I am dead lying on the floor.


“Going Back To The Start”

I said good bye to last night
I said good bye to you
I am alone crying
My eyes were once blue
I once had a heart
And a soul to squeeze
Now I am alone
And this is the only me
I said good bye to sadness
I said good bye to pain
Now say good bye to me
I’ll see you in heaven friend.


“Two Towers”

I saw a million die today
I saw two towers fall
I can not say I am sad today
I knew no one at all
I can say I saw it happen, the end to a great plan
I can say I cried today
I can say I am still a man
I can say that what I saw did thrill and amaze
I can not say that what I saw was in a dreamy haze
I can say I want action for the things they have done
I can not say do it this way, no way is the right one.
I can say I love my country, do I know what I mean?
I can I say I saw it all, I saw all in a flash
I can not say that I wish it didn’t happen today
I understand what happened and I understand our thoughts
I do not understand how we can become something we are not.
I can say I am happy
I can say I am sad
I can not say how ever that this tragedy was bad.


Tears on her pillow, but not tears of pain.
She weeps for all of the sane, all that she knows that can not be
She weeps for the people she has hurt, and all that have hurt her
She weeps for the thoughts that rage within her head
She weeps in the self pity she crated for herself
She weeps for all the love she’s lost…


You called me on the phone today
The words you said, left me in dismay
You were in a foreign world, and I was far away
I said I loved you, you said the same
I miss you so
I wish I could be there to ease your pain
I wish you understood why I feel this way
I want nothing more than to be by your side
I love you with all my heart, and never want to see you cry.


You blame yourself for all you see, none of it’s your fault
The hate and anger taken out in a blast of jealousy, without thought
You did nothing but be yourself, it was he who couldn’t see
So why do you ask yourself, why can’t I be free
Always controlling, always at blame, you should never have to feel this way.
I blame myself for all my mistakes, I know I have made a few
But I can never change the way you see you.


“Lies in a Bottle”

I hear the words coming at me like a speeding train
I cannot say that I can explain
I hear the lies your telling me
I think that you are false
I just don’t understand why I feel a loss
I know deep down what you say is true
I know somehow that you have to be you
I know that I cannot change the way you see and think and feel
I only help to guide you away from the pill
I have seen lives destroyed by drugs and alcohol
I wish I could make you see you are in for a fall
I know that you won’t listen
I know that you are tough
I know that my words won’t reach you
I know words are not enough
I only have one word to say and that word is trust
I hope you can trust me to show you light, I know the road is lost
I want to help you understand
I want to see you live
I want what I think is best
I want to let you see sobriety is the way to be free
I want you too see all that you miss when your in a daze
I want you to live your life
I don’t want you to listen to me.
I just want you to understand I am not doing this for me


I miss the sounds of your thoughts
I miss your words gone bye
I miss the times you used to call, even if it made me cry
I miss not thinking about anyone else but you
I miss that special feeling, the fire within you
I miss the feelings that I only had for you
I miss the times before I met someone new


How could I make you see all the beauty inside of me?
How could you be so nice and at the same time so cruel to me?
How could I know if my feeling were true for you?
How could I know that no other would suffice?
When will you see that you are wonderful to me?


“Realized Too Late”

I waited for you for far too long
You left me in a flash
No good bye, no that’s it, not a snicker or a laugh,
You did not say one word
You didn’t say a word…
That hurt worst of all
To loose you and not laugh
Perhaps you never were mine
Maybe I didn’t know love
Maybe my minds game was the only one I played
I loved you, You loved me that’s all I saw, All I needed
I was wrong, I loved you, You didn’t love me
I guess I will be alone in my misery


ALONG THE ROAD

I WALKED a mile with Pleasure;
She chattered all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!

ROBERT BROWNING HAMILTON


Anger Flows like a Drug Through my Veins
Anger Moves Me to Another Place
Anger in My Meaning
Anger in Not Right
Love Will Help Shine Through


Tranquility exists inside my mind
Inside my mind I am alone
I am alone when I want to be alone
I want to be alone because no one will except me as I am
No one will except me as I am because I stand out
I stand out because I want to display an image
I want to display an image to attract people like me
People like me because I am interesting
I am interesting when I am alone
When I am alone I have tranquility
Tranquility exists inside my mind…

Life is a vicious cycle you can never escape.


Dose anyone understand me? Dose anybody care?
Will I meet my sole mate? Will I meet myself?
Am I alone? Am I surrounded?
Can I ever see the truth? Can I ever be Free?
Who am I to say? Who am I to ask?
Is this all a dream? Will I ever wake?
Can Love exist? Can Love ever be?


When I met you I didn’t know love.
I realized long later that I never had.
We became better friends and I learned more and more.
The more I learned the more I liked.
I told you a lot.
You told me even more.
I tried not to deceive you in any way.
I was just deceiving myself.
I say you with other people.
You saw me the same.
I wept in front of you.
We shared a lot.
Perhaps love is blind.
One day love will see.


Life is a long journey that begins and ends.
Love is a long trial that never gets a verdict.
Truth is a lie waiting to be told.
Forever is a long time to wait.
Now is now, then is then, tomorrow is tomorrow.
Some things just can’t be changed.


I met you late at night
I didn’t know what to think
You liked one of my friends
I didn’t like it
My friends all betrayed me and showed there true face
I had been naïve
I learned of the true you
I couldn’t help but love you
You treated me like a best friend
I wanted more
You tried to get me dates
I could only think of you
I told you how I felt
I am still waiting for a response.
Don’t hate me for loving you
I had no choice.
Love had to exist


Love is a game, or so I’ve been told
Are there instructions? Are there rules?
When will I know? How will I feel?
I sit alone and think about someone, but I have learned
I give up to easy, I give in too quick
I fall in love to break my heart, I am gonna end up right where I started
I give it one more chance, but is love true?
I give it one more chance, I can’t handle one more break.


I met her at the start, I knew I had no chance
I saw her alone and I thought Beauty
I talked to her for hours, I never looked away
I looked into her eyes, I saw pain and fear
I talked to her last night, Life stopped making sense
I talked to her one last time, I knew it was the last
I saw something new, I could not deny
I have to follow my heart and see just where it takes me
I have to see this through, I have to see the end
I have to do this for me and it might not be right
I know this is what I have to do
I will follow as long as it will lead
Love is the destination and I think I see what’s good for me


I met you far too late
It didn’t stop me from loving you
From the moment I saw you I knew we would be friends for life
In the beginning I was afraid
You helped me see the light
I will never forget you
You will never be alone again
of this I swear


“Reflection in a Mirror”

Alone I sit in my misery.
Knowing alone is the only way that I want to be.
I have seen the writing on the wall and none of it is good.
I know that no matter what may happen love will last forever.

Alone I sit in my Pain.
I know that I don’t need anyone to help me today.
I think that I won’t see another day quite like today.
Trying to hide what I feel inside.
A mask you can see right through.

Alone I sit in my Happiness.
I know that I will never say I love you again.
I know that I will not stay to hold your hand.
I will love you till my last breath has gone.
I hope you never forget me.

Alone I sit in darkness
This is the last you’ll have to bear.
I won’t make you go through anymore.
Pain is over and love remains.
In the darkness I sit alone and I weep.
Try to remember me when I am gone.


“A Night to Reflect”

What is happening in your head?
Are you happy?
Is Love dead?
Do you know who loves you tonight?
Is it true that we share starlight?
Will I ever see you again?
Can you see the love of a friend?
Do you know how much you mean?
To a lonely boy and his stupid dreams.

Can I ever show you who I really am?
Could you love me as your one true man?
Would it be possible for you to see exactly how much you mean to me?
Can my heart stand the test of time?
Will You ever know my name?
Can you look deep inside and see the man I try to hide?
You will see me one day, and for this I hope and pray.
You will recognize me for who I am not just for who you think.


“Going Back for Me”

Disappointment in your eyes
Anger in your voice
Frustration is your feeling
I’m searching for a voice
Feeling all alone
The world can be so cold
Trying not to cry
Unable to succeed
Trying to be my Fathers son
Trying to be an individual one
Doing things for me
Trying to be free
Saying no to nothing and never bowing down
One day you will see me for me
And for not those that are judging

I dreamt about you last night
I will never forget

You were crying by yourself
You were alone dieing

I took your hand to help you through
I tried so hard to see the pain you had inside of you

You would never know just what I had to see
You will someday learn how much you mean to me.


You learn to judge before you meet
You learn to cry at defeat
You try so hard to be loved
You learn so fast it’s harder then all this
You’ll learn soon that you will be missed
You’ll learn soon that love dose exist
You will learn that I will always love you
As a sister, a partner, and most of all a friend


Drawing lines
Great divides
Torn between two separates
Learning who your true friends are
Trying hard to understand why
Never knowing just who you are
Or who you want to be
Feelings get hurt
Life is berserk
Trying to make sense of it all
When non of it really does
Nor ever will


In a world of so much hate
Why do we discriminate
Can we learn to love each other for who we are

If I looked at you today what do you think I would see?
Would I see what you want or would I see what truly lies


If you looked at me today would you see the real me?
Would you see what has become of me?

If I saw your heart today would I see any light?
Was it cut off years ago when you lied to numb the pain?

If this is the last we will speak of this then let it be know that I was strong and told the truth
No matter how hard it was

When I’m gone and memories fade away don’t let this be the way you remember me.


“ Pain is Another Way ”

The ugly head of jealousy can hit you from behind
The love from one that was never expected can hit you like a train
The feelings that you get when your there with her can never be matched
The way you don’t know if you can ever be together can hurt more then the deepest cut
The fear of asking all that’s on your mind can be as maddening as sanity
The decision to do what your heart says even when your head tells you not too can push you farther than you ever wanted to go
The way that you know that Love will find a way in time…
Can be the longest wait of your life




“One Way To Know”

There is a way that you can see the ocean, and never leave your chair.
A way for you to go up to the clouds or into space
There is a way for you to know every language ever
To go to places far away, to dream another dream
There is a way to make all dream come true
Love is free for me and you


“ Song of The Silent Screams”

I talk to much of love and life, I talk too much of death,
I talk to much of all my dreams and all that I can’t have
I talk to you with my heart, I talk to you with my soul
I talk to you the only way that I know how
I talk with out saying a word
I talk of things too absurd
I try to talk about how I feel
I try to talk to you, and the words just come out wrong


“This is What It’s Four”

If I said leave tonight. Would you hesitate?
If you said yes. Could I ask you to leave it all behind?
If you left all you knew just to be with me. Would this be the love that both of us seek?
If I saw you tonight. Would you recognize my face? Would you hold me in loves embrace?

If I knew love was real. Could you see the way I feel?
If when we finally saw the day I knew all that I missed. Would it all be worth it to be with you?
If one day I realize how to say how I feel. Will you return my love? Will you mend this broken heart?

If I said I love you. Would you say the same?
If one day I died. Would you cry? Would a small piece of you die?

If I say how I feel. Would you say yes? Would you say no?


“ The Stars Exist Only in Her Eyes.”

The world if full of heavens light
The angels line the path
The heart is full of hope tonight
The pain has gone away
The world is perfect in this moment
The dark doesn’t seem so hard to take
The light is inside of her
The stars exist only in her eyes

The word stopped spinning
The angels’ spread her wings
The heart skips a beat as they embrace
The pain is gone
The world makes sense
The darkness retreats as the light overwhelms
The stars begin to shine
The stars exist only in her eyes

The world falls into the sea and say good bye to all that it has seen
The angels fall far from grace, to never regain there holy place
The heart gets broken one last time
The pain returns worse than before
The word dies out and no one survives
The fade to darkness sets in quick
The stars existed only in her eyes
Love is far to great to be so painful


I can never be what you want me to be.
But you still can’t except me for me.
I try so hard to be myself.
Life is hard when it’s a living hell.


I suddenly realized that this is the end. And nothing will ever be the same.


The ghost exist inside my mind.
In a world only I can find.
My mind asleep inside my soul.
Inside my mind I am all alone.


There is no line beyond the door, When the door is open my soul’s revealed. Late at night you will see what my heart contains. In the darkness all secrets will be revealed unto a world that is undeserving and a world of pain and misbelieve.


“Last Night on Earth”

One last shot to sooth the pain
One last shot to kill
One last night to know no pain
One last night to be us to ourselves
One last time I’ll know your face
One last time to see me
One last heart to break
One last way out
One last time is all I ask
One last time to free myself
One last escape into reality
One last escape into oblivion
One last time to say good bye to you my friend
One last time to say “When will this ever end?”


“Stars”

Memories forever imbedded in my skin
Stories of my past and everything that I have been
Past, present, future everything I know
People long forgot, everyone I’ve known
All this art that will not leave me
Something I can forever show
Life may have it’s twists and turns
Life may have it’s roads, untold
No matter what I will carry these memories with me


“So much unseen by an eye so blind”

I saw the apron upon the kitchen floor
I would never know the stories that it contained
I never saw all the pain that you put into this
I always saw what I put in, not what I took out
I hope that you can see I am sorry for all I do
You still hold my heart in you hands
Please don’t let go


“Caught in a Moment”

Sometimes I can’t say how I feel

Sometimes The words just come out wrong

Sometimes I can best express myself through
someone else’s songs


The last time out I never understood what I was supposed to know
Last Time around I knew that you and I would never be what I wanted us to
When we started out I saw someone that would change my life forever
Since that day I never looked back, I never really saw the truth
I know that not everyone will find love, some will find nothing but pain
I see what we have and I love every minute
I just wish that we could have more, every day I wish for more, everyday I love you even more
Everyday I know that nothing will ever be the same, tomorrow


We all see you as you want us too.
None of us will ever know the true you.
If you try to hide in the shadows, you can never grow.
When you are alone, you have more than you ever could with someone else.
Try so hard to understand.
Know yourself and know love.
Know another and know pain.
Know that no matter what, you are the only one that you need to please.
In the end know it was all done in the name of love.


“Look Closer”

Angels fly and spread there wings, knowing that they are meant for greater things.
People lie to get ahead, knowing that in the end they will all be dead.
You try so hard to find true love, yet know love may not exist.
Look around and what do you see?
Is this what your life was supposed to be?
Do you know if you will die?
Will the angels sing, and help you fly?
Love is all around if you know where to look. Look closer.




Conversations getting old
Were all getting older
Some will go to do great things
One will be a junkie
Give it one more night to change your mind
Try to understand that all you know is wrong
Know that what you see is not what I see
Try to see we don’t need all this
Just except it for what it is, not what you take it as


I have been hurt to many times, I know I’ve learned my lesson
I know that this time will be different, and yet I hesitate
Ever since that first day I have know, yet feared so much more
I know that this time can be different, I know I can find you
You push me to excel, Inside I am in emotional hell
What Do I know about love?


I know I am no Romeo, Yet you’re my Juliet
I know That I am not the one, But I haven’t given up yet
You come to me and ask so much, yet deep inside I know perhaps what I want is you
You see the world so differently, With a pair of rose tint eyes
I know that you can see greatness, even when the rest are blind
You know how to make me smile, you don’t even have to try

How do I tell you how much you mean to me
How do I say that you are the most special person that I have ever met
How do I say that you are beautiful, and your smile makes me shake

Maybe one day I will say What I have known in my heart all along
You are all I need and you are all I want
Maybe one day I will tell you “you are special”
Maybe one day.
Maybe not.









“First Chance, Wrong Choice”

The first time that I saw you, I didn’t know how to feel
When I woke up screaming I knew I couldn’t be wrong
I asked so much of you, you asked for nothing
When I saw the way they looked at you, I wanted to cry out
But I knew deep down, Someone else held your heart

I tried so hard to get inside, but your defense was strong
Linked together by the past, both with the same familiar friend
I let you know how I felt, at least in my own way
Never knowing if you could feel the same way too

It all started so simply, Love for another brought me to you
Deliverance from pain set me free, I was just blind to the you I couldn’t see
I never knew that fate would direct me, and I would go one way wrong, in the end maybe right
I asked you for one night, but it meant so much more,
The night I would discover the true you for you

We knew each other oh so well, yet strangers none the less
We held hands, embraced, and felt strong in the darkness, only stars to provide us light
You haunt my every vision, and entrance my sleepless nights
I just wish I could tell you just what I feel inside, and make you understand this is me


“ A Moment of Sobriety ”

In a million years why was she with me ?
Life was showing a hand rarely seen.
I loved her, and I thought as did she.
I knew that nothing could ever again hurt me.
At long last I knew loves touch and it was amazing.

I opened up so far, father than anyone had ever seen
She understood it all, and never once judged me
I should have seen it coming, I should have know it was all too good
Loves first touch was tainted by past loves scars.

I gave her all I could, but I knew what it wasn’t what she needed
I could not open up her lock, but I gave her my key
I knew it all before I knew it all must end
Why is it that we hurt the ones we love

I wish love would conquer, I wish I knew what to say
I know that in the end there is no way
I loved her so much I knew loves first touch
But in the end it all must end I knew I had failed
But still I knew love was true, I just hope she knows just how much she meant to me.


“ Living in a Moment of Lost Worlds, and Missing Stars “

I saw the writing on the wall I
Didn’t Know what to do I
Only had one chance and had to get it right I
Didn’t know which way to go I
Had so many people that guided me up till now I
Had no one to turn when I truly needed them the most I
Knew that I was all alone but never truly was I
Had the memories of old friends lost and Lost Loves memory I
Wish that I could say just what I feel inside I
Wish that I could prove how much you mean to me I
Wish upon the nights first star and kiss this life good bye I cry…


“ Far Away But Still So Lost “

Lost in a moment
Lost out in space
Lost in time from an unknown place
Lost in a world of missing dreams
Lost amongst the tired
Lost amongst the dead
Lost in a future that started in my head
Lost to the world and everyone I’ve known
Lost so far away that I know that I can never get back
I hope one day to find my way home
I hope that your still there


In a moment I saw a glimpse
I saw all that I could be and all I could do
You gave me inspiration and hope with your love
I wish that you could see all that you are
I just hope that one day you find what it is you need
My life was made for you and when I look at you I know that life is beautiful just like you
I hope one day to be as strong as you and I hope one day you see
You are as perfect as anyone can be.


“Right as Rain (Part 1)”

Late one night I saw the truth, I think you know I did
I saw so much hurt that was swimming through your head
Caught up in a moment that you could not let go, I saw it all inside of you
You looked so hurt sitting all alone
I wished that you would let me in, or just give me a glimpse
I knew that I could not help you through all your hurt
But maybe I could help you slightly mend a broken heart
I’ve seen a lot in a short time, More then most should see
I know it’s hard to deal with, You know it’s hard for me
I know one day you’ll see it, I know one day you’ll know
The answers all seem so far, yet not so far away
I know that you can’t do it all alone, but I know you don’t need help
So until then I’ll bide my time, and be here to catch you if you fall


It’s hard to wake up at home when you have never really known one
Home is just the figment of someone’s imagination
Offers fall upon def ears, even to the witness of so many tears
A laugh, a smile, a whimper, a nod, just because you believe doesn’t mean there is God
I push to my limit, I push way too hard, if I push any harder I may push too far
I don’t mean to pry, I don’t want to judge, but I never said you said too much


I drive late at night till I reach the end, if I did it this world could come to an end
I could do it so quick, just have to let go, cost through the air in an eternity of flight
I could do it this time, let it all go, let the pain that consumes take the rest of my soul
The moon is a spy with an eye out on me, he knows my plan, but still can’t help me
What would they say? Would they cry? or be happy? or would they not care?
Just one more lost to the world they created, the world they unleashed, the world that they hated
They did this to me I didn’t want it this way, no other way out, the world has to pay
Come to the end, one last decision, take flight? The decision is there, embrace the night?
But can I embrace the darkness as it will do to me, or is life worth living to see one more day?
I lost it all in a blaze of death, I knew it well, I saw him die that night, everyday I ask why?
If there is some great plan why can’t I just peek, I don’t have to know it all, just let me see
If it’s all a big joke, then the joke is on me, how can I go on living this way?








So many secrets
So many lies
So much I have told my self to cover my eyes
So why do I go on doing it this way
So as I stood at the edge looking down to the dark
So much I want to say so much I can’t
So much that you know, I wish I could take back
So why do I do it, I don’t really know
So why don’t I end it, one day I will


So many questions asked, of so little concern
Life is ever lasting, in someone else’s mind
Death is coming for me, Even if I don’t know just when
If I could give you forever to open up your heart, would the day ever come that you would
So much reveled, So much forgotten, So much unknown
So lost in a world of pain and misery, I just wish you could open up your world to me
All things change, everybody grows, I hope that change doesn’t make you lose the perfect one I know.


If you caught an angel would you let her go?
Could you do the right thing and say that this is wrong?
Could one person make the choice to let everything you know go?
Who’s to say just who you are, or tell you what to be?
Could an angel spread it’s wings and know what it is to be free?
If you saw an angel would you ever knew it’s was true?
Could you ever see that there is an angel and it’s you?


I don’t know what I want, but I can’t wait forever
You can’t wait for me, if you have to leave right now
I wish I could say exactly what I mean, I wish I wasn’t so afraid
I know that this won’t last forever, maybe it won’t last one more day
I cherish every moment spent with you, I love you more each day
I wish I knew just how you felt, inside I feel ashamed
You make me feel so wonderful, yet so ugly at the same time
I understand why I am so scared, I have seen it all before
I just don’t want it to end, the same as before
I am so afraid, I am so alone, I miss loves kisses, I miss the way it used to be, I miss you.





Memories not forgotten, memories forever
Imbedded in our minds, imbedded in our skin
I can’t wait for life, Life won’t wait for me
No one ever saw this one coming, I never saw this being me
I just hope one day you can accept this me as me.


In my mind all is wrong, none is right
I know it’s all in my mind, I know none of it’s true
I know that you would never hurt me, I know that I will always hurt myself
Help me to see it all, help me to see what I don’t
Separate truth from lies, Stop hiding behind vacant eyes
If you help me, then I can help you
Let me know what you want, let me know what you need,
Lies can never separate this world, only you can separate my heart
In the night I said things wrong, we came so fast and let things go
I am sorry for anything I said to up set you, can this night let us begin anew


“You Made It All So Clear”

I understand it all now
How could this be it
Broken hearts and broken soul
Tonight I lost everything I had
Tonight I lost sight again
I understand what you see, I can’t say I like it though
I thought I understood it all
I guess that I was wrong
I just wish it wasn’t all my fault
I shouldn’t have taken my turn
I shouldn’t let myself go
I should learn my lessen by now
I just want you to be happy, so please just tell me you’re happy


Sometimes we don’t see it, when it’s right in front of our face
Sometimes we choose to ignore it, to look the other way
Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what direction to go
Sometimes I feel like I am losing in this game for two
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one, who wants to make it work


“ The Light Seen At Midnight ”

Do you want to just be friends?
Do you want something more?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you know the joy you brings me?
Do you know just what it means?
Do you think that one day you may?
Do you know what I think is important?
Do you know that I don’t know?
Do you see all you are?
Do you like who you are?
Do you want me anymore?
Did you ever?


So many questions, too afraid to ask
So much unknown, too much to disclose
So much I want to say to you, too afraid of what you’ll say
So why is it that this all happens this way, I wish I knew just how it felt to be you
So I sit and wish but get no closer, I just wish that you loved me like I love you
So why is it so that loves kiss never comes, all I ask is one kiss to know if it’s love
So I say all my words, I know you think that’s all they are
I hope that you know just how I feel, even if I can’t express it to you


“ Final Attempt ”

Memories lost of that night, the night that it all changed
I thought that you could understand, the night that it all changed
I know that what I did was not so smart, the night that it all changed
I tried to make us forever part, the night that it all changed
I know that no one can make you see just how I feel, I just wish I knew how to tell

I saw a lie, the night that it all changed
I knew the truth but denied it all, the night that it all changed
One moment it time I wish that I could take back, the night that it all changed
I hope you can forgive me for everything I did, the night that it all changed
I just hope that you can see I love you, I just hope that you can love me

It all changed that night that I can’t deny, but I am happy that that night you wouldn’t let me die


“ Deceit in a Doorway ”

You were scared and I understood
You cried aloud and I understood
You said it was over and I understood
You said you were tired of trying so hard and I understood
You told me it was because I wasn’t trying at all and I didn’t understand


“ Red Hair Trauma ”

You called me late at night, and said that you were crazy
You called me above anyone else, and said that you were crazy
You confided in me exactly what you could see, if only in your mind
You let me know that you were afraid, and said you were crazy
You said that it was all in your mind, and said you were crazy
You wouldn’t let your instincts tell you what you were seeing, if only in your mind
You left me shaking late at night, I prayed I wasn’t too late, I prayed I could still help


“ You Opened Up The Sky and Cried ”

You opened up your soul to me and let me see inside
I didn’t know what to say
I tried so hard to let you know exactly what I felt
I know the sky I is a little darker to you tonight
I understood every word
I could feel just what you meant
I know that deep down you are a lot like me
I know that you are hurt
I know a lot of what you have gone through

I can see it hurts oh so bad to just try to be you
I know that it seems like your journeys never through
I know that you’ve been hurt at what seems like every turn
I want you to know that I have no place to go until the day you die
I hope that you can see you mean so much too me

I know it isn’t you the way you dress or do your hair
You are not the music you listen to or the people that know you
You are everything that is right
You only see your wrongs
You have so much to see
you’ve seen a lot and it didn’t take long

I have been there too I have see it too
I know it seems like this should be the end the last place to go
But I know you were meant for more
You were meant to help me
Every night I look at you and I see someone great
I see everything, and every right mistake
I see that there is greatness deep inside of you
I see the one help to save me, from a me you’ll never know

I hope one day you can see just what it all means
One rainy night it will all make sense, like you help it make sense for me
I know just what you feel
I understand what you think
I just wish you could see the beauty that has been given to you for all the pain

I can’t change the past but let me help the future
Trust in me and I will show you, some people can be trusted
I live my life one day at a time
Don’t waste tears on yesterday
Celebrate all you are today
Believe in love today, it’s all tomorrow has to offer


When I saw you with him, I knew my heart was breaking.
When I thought there was a chance for us, I knew there never was
When I thought that maybe you could care for me, I never knew it could be true
When I held you in my arms, I finally felt alive
When you said you love me too, I knew I’d live forever
When I left and walked out that door, I knew I couldn’t live without you.
Could love survive for me and you, I may never know the answer
When I left I didn’t want to go, never say good bye
Now I leave this sorry town, I have to say goodbye
I hope you will wait for me at least for a little while.


“ Tara ”

Alone in your arms I wept for days, I never Felt Ashamed
I never felt ashamed to tell you all I know, of pain
I told you how I felt and you did not laugh in my face
I told the whole truth, and did not feel ashamed
I never knew how much I loved you till I saw it in your face
I saw you crying and did not know the pain you could display
I finally realize how much I Loved you when it was too late.


Do you believe in God?
Dose he believe in you?

Do you believe in fate something that controls us all?
Do you believe that love can exist, just before you fall?
If you do and you Love me let time pass bye, Soon We’ll be free to fly
If Love exists Life will go on and we will be together soon.
If I come back and I’m too late, maybe it was all just a twist of fate
Love is tricky and love is strange, good bye for now, don’t forget my name.


Echoes of days gone bye, reflected in today
Lost sense of time, Lose sense of purpose
I should have known you were looking out for me
In a shadow I saw you go, in the last lights glow
I saw a reflection of days I once saw and I started to cry.
I saw a second chance and I knew just what to do
I took the road that I denied
The road that I know would have saved you


Fear is the only thing I can feel as you whisper your good buys
Will mine be the last voice you will ever hear?
Do you know that your not the only one that has been through these things
Deep inside you know you know exactly what it is that you see
Deep inside, can you still love me?
If you take it all tonight, you ask will I be there?
You ask if I can bring you letters for everyday your not there
What can I say you will be missed, what can I say you mean a lot to me
You said good bye to me said start your note today, tomorrow may be the last today I see.


A day left in silence, so many questions asked
What did you do today, did you see the sun rise
You told me word I didn’t want to hear, I questioned them for hours
I wished I would have called, I wish I would have gone
I tried so hard not to care, I tried so hard to let it go
You drag me in, you drag me down, I wouldn’t have it any other way
I hope you didn’t do what, you said you would do
I prayed for you tonight, to let you be safe, let my prayer be heard, may you be well tonight


“In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you, and in your head where it sits
I give you my hand if you’d reach out and grab it, let’s walk away from this hell.”
– The Juliana Theory




“ Lost Souls Locked In Stone”

Lost souls on the inside track of life
I see the anger that insists on being
Nights that last forever and have no real meaning
If I could do it all again, what would I say?
I can’t say I would change a thing, I still loved you today
But today is gone and so I am,
Lost forever, Not going to say good bye.


“ You Said You Were So Happy, I Saw Truth In Your Eyes ”

One lost soul in the game of life, I gave it all to you
I tried so hard and got nowhere, where are you now
My soul was bare, my heart was true, all I asked was truth
I seem to give it all to you, you couldn’t give me that
I see it clear, now it’s dead, just like you are to me
If this latter make you cry, you’ll cry less tears than me

You may not see a single tear, you may not hear my voice
Tonight I have to give up hope, this is my final choice
I gave so much and got none back, what choice did I have
You got my heart, you got my souls, you left me baron on the floor
I tried so hard to get to you, I seemed to get lost
Every single time I try, I seem to get fucked

I laughed last night for the last time, I will laugh for you no more
Tonight I see that love failed, I won’t hold it against you
You know just what you want, tomorrow is another day
Today I say thanks a lot

I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe for the last time
All that I can say is I’ll miss you more than you can know
And I hope that you are happy, inside your head of snow


“I Tried Too Hard to Understand”

A final night to understand it all and I don’t understand why
I try so hard to get to you, you try so hard to fly
Your wings are still growing and trying to help you fly
You see me for what I am, I see you as much more
I know that you will never see it the way that I can see
I wish that I could help you fly, so much higher than you can see
I wish that I could let you know how much you mean to me
As long as I am alive I will be here for you,
As long as I have air to breath I will not let go
I just hope that one day you can see it too
I am not the only one, but I am the one that cares the most for you


“ And In The Whisper ”

And then in the light it all made sense, not a bang or crash or explosion as expected it came as a whisper

The deed had been done non was left to see, the pain was over the mistrust was gone, the only thing that existed was the remnants of the pain

It had happened before, it wasn’t the first, it wasn’t the last, it was however the worst, the pain had taken it’s toll and now the end seemed closer than ever

All that had happened, all that had been known, all had been lie, all had been deceit, the writing was on the wall the wall was now destroyed, along with all hope

It come in the light, not like a monster swinging it’s daunting head, not as something that was even visible, it came in the worst way, at the worst time, for the one who cared the most
All along it had been known, all along just lies, all along it was his own deceit, all along he saw it coming, all alone he will remain, in shadows holding on.


Not a chance I could have seen that this would be me
All along I always thought, anyone but me
I thought I was strong but realizing slowly I’m not
Alone in my pain I sit and ponder, why it had to end
Don’t think this is good bye, I’ll see you all someday
Love exist for a short time, but it never last forever
I know that you loved me, a moment I will treasure
I remain in shadows growing wings, hope to someday fly
Until that day I wait for that special one, the one I know will see it one day, that Love is blind just like me, but one day both will see


“ Don’t Stop Driving ”

Sitting on the beach, the shallow waters hit me hard
Run away and you will help, how could I not believe in me
You held my hand and told me it was all alright
You lied right to my face, but you never even saw it at all
I tried so hard to get to you, you were the only one
The pain that life had plagued you with could all be set free with an ocean wave
Now let us go our separate ways and I will let you learn all that you need to
Just never forget to regret me
The ocean will always forgive you, for anything you say


“ Letters To You ”

Words are the only thing that can not be taken back,
Words are the glue that brings us all together
Words are what can tare us apart
Words can start and stop wars
Words can make people understand different points of view
Words are the only things I have to offer
Words to make you understand what it is I am going through
Words I say, sometimes I don’t mean
Theses word are all for you, just to say I’m sorry


“On The Top of The World”

I stand alone atop this vacant city,
My mind drifts to a world that no longer is
A world that may have never been
If I look at you and don’t see it, would you still see me
Don’t run away from what you know, may or may not be
The only way that we will learn is to see it through
I know that you don’t see it, I don’t know what to do
I know that this is the end, and I will see no more


“Missing Landscapes”

In a dream it all made sense
In a dream I kissed you
In a dream you didn’t resist
In a dream I knew
In a dream I saw your eyes
I didn’t see you cry

In a dream I saw an accident
In a dream I cried
In a dream I saw it end
In a dream I saw it end
In a dream I lost you
I didn’t want it to end this way, how could words effect us so much



And in the night it came to it all
I knew it would all be true
The last time that I said good bye
The last time I needed to see you
If you left and went out the door, never to return
I would cry, I would go on, I would see it through
If I never saw your face, I would never know
If I saw you leaving me, love would never die

Love is the last thing that you will ever know
Love will be the last thing that lovers will ever know
Love is undying, no matter what they say
Love is the only thing that we have today
Love is the only thing that can ever last
Love is the truth that one can ever know
Love is the greatest lie that was ever told

Late at night I said that I was over you
If love had never existed, then we were over too
I lost a friend, one that I never wanted
I lost the only one that understood all I ever wanted
If you said good bye tonight I would turn my head
But don’t expect me to look back at a love you said was dead


“ Sarah’s Only Lie ”

She looks around and sees it all, but can not truly see
She looks at all the imperfections, but only sees beauty
Alone she thinks no ones there, but all alone she’s so alive
She sleeps in a bed of mistrust, but always ends up lies
Alone in her head she sees a world destroyed by the minds of men
Alone in her head she meets herself, her only friend
All along she’s had the strength to say nothing to it all
But she needs to escape, to break down this painful wall
The snow it falls up inside, and makes her feel so numb
The pain is finally at a pace but now she can control
She sees it all as it is and still can’t comprehend
She puts her feelings on a shelf
She puts her face away
She puts away the sadness for another day
She puts on the mask
She makes everyone else happy

“Too Many Tears”

And then it was dead, like a blast that hit harder then could ever be imagined
I saw it in your eyes, there was nowhere to hide this time
I knew that this time I could never say another word and I would still feel alright tomorrow
I made my decision and you would be out of my life forever
I never saw it coming, I never knew it true, I hade lost the only love that I ever knew
Good bye tonight this is it, I can’t say any more to you
Fuck this world, and fuck you, I hope your happy now


This is my last good bye, don’t think any less


Lies concealed upon my lips I dare not let them go
I am told things that make we wonder
Life moves too fast sometimes, lets try to hold on
In the night I saw the shadows they hung from every crease
I dared not say a word for the fear that ruels my mind
I know that you are happy, I hope you know it too
Life is like a memorial, always going forward, never moving at all


“You Returned With Another”

Sedate my brain and make it hurt, I want to feel alone
If I don’t have to see today, I would not complain
The world has shut the door, I don’t have the key
I wish that I knew what to do, I wish I had a way
The world will know me no more, today’s the final day


“And Then She Said Yes”

In the night seductions kiss
In the moon light eternal bliss
In the light nothing would be so clear
In the night the ones would come
In the darkness the one would see
In the way of the world nothing was wrong
In this day all would be one


“Ridding The Snake”

Every morning gets harder and harder without you
I know that this bottle will always understand
Tomorrow the sun will shine, of this I can be shore
I am glad that you can go on without me, I wish I could do the same
Pace the time and see it pass, trace the memories and see them wash away
Life is one big answer, don’t forget to ask the questions



“Right as Rain (Part 2)”

It has come to an end and I don’t regret a moment spent
I saw you and you saw me, it didn’t mean you truly saw me
If I said that I sill cared, you would throw it back and blame it all on me
I am sorry that I didn’t do it right
I tried to make it real, you tried to make it quick
Tonight I say good bye to you, and I am shore
Tomorrow I will wake complete
Everything is right as rain


“Night After Possessions”

You came back into my life, it was like nothing had changed
All the pain and anger, gone like there was none
That night I was going to tell you how it was, I was going tell you exactly how I felt
That night I exposed myself to you, I let you see my soul
It was like the first night that we ever connected, the pain seemed to be gone
I felt so alone until you waked through the door, I felt complete once you did
I didn’t know which to trust, my heart or my head
In the darkness, soul on display, I let you know just how I felt, I hope you did the same
It was like it was all new, this time I was prepared
I think we could make it work, if you felt the same


You broke my heart
You hurt my head
You opened up to me
You and I connected, once upon a time
You and I could make a new
You and I could try
I have seen all I was, I know where I went wrong
You could understand if you listened to the song


“Lasting Memories”

We sat alone
A single tear
You understood it all
I never meant to hurt you
You never had to stay
You got inside my life
I wanted you to stay
A single word to seal this kiss
We sat alone in darkness and you understood me


“Crying to The Ocean’s Love”

Music let the light in
The ocean made us cry
The moon saw us kiss
The stars held our eyes
We never had to understand
We never had to stop
Love mad it all possible
Love lost us that night
Music brought us back


Right as Rain (Part 3)

Let them weep upon your return, they needed you so much
Know that they didn’t let you back, because of all the pain
Let them know it’s not there fault, you heart needed to wander
Know that they will never let go, no matter how hard they try
Let them see that you are ok, even if you are not
Know that it is ok to be yourself, and let others see that too
Let him know you love him, love is all we have
Know that the world is full of those that can not see, your eyes are open
Let the connections guide you along your path, where ever it may lead
Know that it’s alright to cry, you are only human after all
Let it be right as rain, and don’t lie to your self
Know it’s all right as rain, never listen to the lies
It is all right as rain.


“Upon Your Return”

It happened without question
It happened without thought
I don’t know how it made you feel
It made me feel complete
I didn’t know what to say
Or if I even should

All I wanted to do was call, make shore all was understood
I didn’t know how you would react
My mind didn’t let me ask
Before I know it I was kissing you
You were kissing back
I didn’t ask if it was right
I didn’t feel afraid

My only hope is that we can be again, stronger than we were before
If you said yes
My heart would know
All the knowledge of past mistakes
Everything now known

If there is any way, or if it was a fluke
I hope that you don’t deny your self
I hope that your heart knows
Life is only lived once
Let us learn it good
Tomorrow we might die
Tomorrow we might live


“Feb. 14”

You saw it coming for so long
You saw it was the end
You knew that it would happen there
You didn’t know just why
You wanted so bad to come back home
You wanted so bad to understand
You knew it was coming; there was nothing you could do
Death seemed close
Death had a hand, that you could see so clear
Death was closer then it seemed
You opened up my mind
You had a hold of me
You knew we were connected, but denied yourself the truth
You that that it was your time
You had a feeling it was coming
You wanted to call me
Life was ending soon
Life was closing swiftly, but not for you, for me
Life was at the end
You saw that it was coming
You saw the shadows of the sole
You knew it was after me
You saw I could fall
You knew the signs but denied the truth
Happiness is possible
Happiness could come, if you let me understand with you
Happiness is close
You didn’t see the terror
You didn’t feel the heat
You knew it was happening
You wanted it too
I wanted it too


“Angel on Golden Lies”

I saw an angel cry today, she told me tales of pain
I saw an angel cry today, I wiped away her tears
I saw an angel cry today, I kissed her without fear
I saw an angel cry today, due to words I wrote
I saw an angel cry today, I knew it was not the end
I saw an angel cry today, a fire re-ignited
I saw an angel cry today, she felt too void inside
I saw an angel cry today, I knew just how she felt
I saw an angel cry today, she tried to end it all due to the lies they told
I saw an angel die today; she left on the darkest wings
I saw my angel die today; I hope she knows I will always love her


“ The Night It Came Crashing ”

She walked out on me that night, I knew it would be the last I let her
She exited from my life forever, I knew it was for the best
She always made me feel so complete, completely miserable
She knew that I loved her, I knew that she cared
She saw all the lies that I told myself everyday, they scared her and she felt vulnerable
She knew that she would save me, I knew that she would save me
She walked out the door and I didn’t follow, she walked out the door and I understood it all


It won’t be alright tonight
I saw how it will end
The night is full of certainty
Life is full of pain
I didn’t mean to get this hurt
Nothing seemed so bad
I saw the pain inside my heart
Closed the door away
Late one night you found a way
My mind was open wide
You grabbed my hand
You touched my lips
You made me feel alive
In my eyes you saw the truth
In my eyes so blind
The world didn’t let me see
Pain was on your mind
You told me of your pain again
I understood it all
Music made it all make sense
Tomorrow you may understand
Tomorrow you will see it
Right now I will make shore
You won’t hurt me again


It came to be in a flash
It came to be in a daze
It came to be as the man saw fit
It came to be in the music of the revolution
It came to be




I asked to know your name
You asked to know the way
I saw you in a way no one else ever could
You saw that I could be used
I meant to let you know that I loved you once
You meant to let me know that you never really cared
I knew that you would be happy
You knew I would be miserable
I left you alone that night
You left me for the last time that night


The shadows consume me
The darkness swells and holds me tight
The misery is the only thing that I know; it understands me and never judges
The pain of light lets me free
The night is the only true time I see
The life I live is the life I know, no one knows me
The darkness consumes our souls
The souls of the innocent bleed
There is no innocence left in the world, everyone is guilty
The darkness knows that time cannot exist
The darkness expunges us from pain
The only way that we can know ourselves, is if we know each others lies


“The Loss of One You Would Never Know”

I understood the pain you felt
I understood the loss
I understood all that you held inside
I understood how hard it was to release
I understood that you wanted someone by your side
I understood I wasn’t
I understood the ocean waves
I understood your mind
I understood how scared you were
I understood your pain
I understood when everyone else judged
I understood everything
I understood
I understand
I always will


“Once Loved, Twice Lost”

The Darkness looked so nice; it opened up arms wide to you

The Darkness told you things, everything you wanted to know

The Darkness Said that it would hold you, that you would be ok

The Darkness told you lies that sounded so good to you

The Darkness told me that it had you forever, that I could never see you again

The Darkness fucked with your head, and told you, you were less then perfect

The Darkness gave you a gift, before it took so much more

The Darkness’s gift was taken from you, before it was truly given

The Darkness was lost, when you saw the light

I see The Darkness is in your eyes, the Darkness can’t hide forever.


“Right As Rain (Part 4)”

That night you told me, I thought that love was dead
The pain that tormented me, I saw was in my head
If the night stopped right now, would the dawn kill us both?

The night you told me, it was hard for me to believe
The love I saw in your eyes, the lies you told to my face
If the pain was to end for you right now, would you be complete?

The night you told me, I saw that love was gone
The ocean’s waves had all washed away; the stars had all fallen down
If the lies became true right now, would the lies still exist?

The night that you told me, I cried alone for hours
The night after, I could feel your heart
If we separated right now, would you remember an angel’s wings tomorrow?
Would love have ever existed for you?




“M”

We wept for hours
The night air stung us deep
I tried to make sense of it all
An angel sat alone

We saw the light
The night was ending
I tried to make you stay
An angel stood alone

We saw the name of the father and did not turn away
The night saw the tears that fell from you eye
I tried to say that I believed and understood
An angel left alone

We saw the child that you had lost
The night showed it soul
I tried to tell you the truth
An angel wept alone

The souls was gone
The body new
The one you saw
The one that knew
An angel died alone

Angels never die. Angels can never be killed.


“Two Lost Souls on a Long Road To the End”

They said it all; there were no words that could be uttered
In the end the love had died, in the beginning the love never existed
If they had done it differently, if they had done it later
Would any of it matter?

At the start they only saw each other; they thought that they could never know pain again
In the beginning they said that it could last forever, they only had to try
If the world had let them be, if their minds hadn’t stopped them
Would any of it matter?

In the end the world said that they were destined to be alone, they were meant for other things
They saw a flash and knew the end was near, the creeping shadow was closing in
If the end had come sooner, if they had never met
Would any of it matter?

In a flash heat consumed them, the fire that ate away there souls
In the crash the pain had ended, the peace had come at last
If they had not known, if love was never true
Would any of it matter?

Probably not.



“The Pain, The Darkness, The Lost”

In the darkness the souls seemed so bright
The angel’s wings open and the darkness disappeared
The light no longer seemed so bright
The darkness still hid, deep within there souls
The darkness came back as the angel flew away
All alone I saw her, all alone I saw her go
The angel left me all alone
The darkness to consume me


I see the perfection that you always miss
I see the things that others take for granted
I see the way that you don’t see your self
I see the world that consumes your mind
I see the things you don’t
I see that you know the love in my eyes
I see the amazing ways you touch people’s lives
I see that one day we could be everything you want
I see one day we could be nothing at all
I hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and enjoy the time I get
I see you are amazing


A turn of life’s wheel
A life with out you
The world wouldn’t let go
The world wouldn’t let it be
Somehow we found a way
Fate made us one
Life made us two
Love brought us back


So many words that I said, I wish I could take back
So much anger that I wish I could replace
So much mistrust that I wish I could see
So much love that I wish you saw
So much darkness
So much to learn
So much life


I saw you staring back at me,
I saw the pain that you couldn’t speak
I saw the shadows that entered the room
I saw the demons that you thought I couldn’t
I knew that it was there
I felt its icy breath
I know there is nothing I can do
I just wish I could


“Right as Rain (Part 5)”

I met you in the shadows
You told me it was raining
We saw the world change around us
There was nothing we could do

I saw you in the darkness
You told me your wings had grown
We flew away to our own world
There was nothing they could do

I lost you to my own fear
You told me it was all in my mind
We lost each other to each other
There was nothing left to do
Because everything was right as rain


“I Said It Was To Late”

I saw it all as clear as day
I knew it could last forever
I knew that if we tried hard enough, love would find it’s way

I knew it was right
I tried so hard to say it wasn’t so
I tried to make shore it couldn’t be true, it was all true and I knew it

I tried to know that this was right
I saw you in the morning
I saw you smile, and I knew it was right


“Right as Rain (Part Six)”

I know how this will sound
I don’t mean to cause you pain
I hope that you find happiness
I hope that you find joy
I hope that one day, you find your own fire inside
I wish everyday that this never ends
I know it’s not my choice

I know that you are right
I know I shouldn’t care
I can not disregard the thought of you not wanting me
I know that we are close
I know you don’t kneed me
I see you everyday
I see you try so hard
I understand that you have been so long with me
I want you to have it all, the sun, the moon, the stars
I just want you to know everything is as right as rain


This jealousy it eats at me just like it always has
The pain consumes my very being just like a missing word
The feeling it tears at me just like the other times
The knowledge is there is know it’s all just in my head
The hope still exists that one day it will be gone
The darkness consumes my very soul
The light can be let in if she opens up the door
I’m lost


“Lost To The Seasons”

And in the night I saw the world disappear
I knew it would end if I had fear
I saw your eyes and understood
I saw your face and knew that I could
If I lay down tonight
If I die right now
Would you curse my name forever
Would you love me then


The stars called out and you was there to listen
The world said that I was wrong and you were there to say it wasn’t true
The lies ate at me till I had nothing left to believe in and you were there to say anything
The night let be become everything I was and you were there to say be different
The hope told me not to let go of any of it and you were there to hold on to
The only thing left was the truth and you were there to tell me it was so.


“Listening to the Silence”

You listen to the words I say
The words that come out wrong
You listen to the lies
They can never get to you
You listen to yourself
Sometimes it can be wrong
You listen to the words I say
Not the words I don’t
You listen to everyone
Listen to yourself


I scream at you, yet you don’t hear
I wave flags in front of you, but you are blind
I grab your hand, but you pull away
I try so hard to make you understand, but you choose to ignore
If tomorrow you choose to leave me I will understand
Just don’t try to keep it from me


The vampires drain me clean
The demons tell me lies
The monsters show me images that only exist in my mind
The darkness lead’s me down a road, not telling me where I am going
The answers seem so clear as the light seems to die

The needles dig so deep, but my love digs so much deeper
The memories are shore to fade, but the images never will
The world tells me that I am wrong, the world tells me we are wrong
I am not alone on my road, I am only alone on the path
I not the only one in control, I am the only one controlling


Knowledge is just masturbation without the satisfaction
Ignorance is bliss, the ignorant are persecuted
Persecution is showing superiority
Open the veins of knowledge and the ignorant will bleed blue
Open the veins of pain the ignorant will bleed black
If man was meant to know it all he would have got it right by now
If man was meant to know God he would meet him halfway
Kiss the ignorant hello, for the end is clear and the smart are going straight to Hell


If this is the worst I ever have to see, let me be so lucky
If this is just the beginning, say good bye to me tonight
If this is the start of something better, never let me go
If you need something else to be better, let me go free
If it’s not me you need, let yourself be
If you need to tell me true, tell me without delay
If you need to tell me lies, I don’t want you to say
If you think it will hurt me, I will understand
If you think it’s not right, right now, let it be and let’s just see
If you have to let go, I don’t want you to wait
If you think that I don’t mean what I say, I hope you know I do
If you think I love you, I want you to know it’s true
If you want to stay, I always want you to.


“Thoughts of Olympia”

Let’s leave it all right now
Let’s run away tonight
You know I am just as scared as you
You know I don’t have all the answers
Tomorrow is another day
Tomorrow is a better life
If I held your hand
If I never let you go
Could you run away with me
Could you find the answers with me
From here I can see the world is big
From here I feel so small
But who knows where we’ll be tomorrow
Tomorrow is soon to be today


“October 31, 2005”

The leaves are dieing
The shadows becoming long
The nights are getting shorter
The words remain the same
The lights are going out
The smiles are glowing bright
The fall children are gathering
The darkness is setting in
The world is making sense again
The day is coming close
The journey is getting ready to begin
The true happiness starts today
The true happiness starts


The secrets concealed
The lies reveled
Truth is all that’s left
The words were said
The pain set in
Fear was in your eyes
The thoughts were there
They all made sense
If you have to go just for another, don’t expect to see me
My lessons are all well learned
This all seems so familiar
I understand that I was wrong
But don’t let this die for that
If you do love, as much as I do you
You will see I am true
If you have to say good night
Tonight will be my last good bye
If you leave for another
Leave me now and don’t look back
You may have missed the best thing you already had


“Misconceptions of a Day Gone Bye”
It all seemed perfect
My soul was clean
Happiness could be

All I said I did not mean
All I said I lied
All I said was just a test
Could love be mine

You said that we were best friends
You said that would never change
You said that one day it would be ok
I just want to know his name

Memories are tricky things
Memories are fragile
Memories make us who we are
Your memories are in ink

I never meant to question you
I never meant to judge
I never meant to commit so wholly
How sorry can one be

If you think that this is it
If you think this is the end
If you think there can be no more
I hope that I will see you one day
I hope you can be free

I will not shed another tear
I will not blame you at all
I will not stand alone
I know I’ll have to go
I know you’ll be ok
I know you’ll find it someday
I know that if love is true it will be Halloween


I knew it had to, I wasn’t prepared
I saw you talking, I wasn’t prepared
I knew they were all just words, I wasn’t prepared
I let you back in, I wasn’t prepared
I knew you didn’t need me like I needed you, I wasn’t prepared
I opened up to you, I wasn’t prepared
You closed off completely to me, I wasn’t prepared
I asked you why, waited for your answer
I was never prepared for this


“Lost Soul to The Night”

I walked away from you that day, I never knew just why
I walked back to you that day, I never asked why
I walked away with a broken heart, I never said good bye
I walked away for the last time, I never saw you cry


Commitment seduced you
Art inspired you
Life denied you
I supported you
No one could help you
It was all for you
I waited for you
I always loved you
You destroyed me
I lost my love for you


“If I Ran Away Today”

If I ran away tonight, would I have to run alone
If I saw you standing asking me for guidance, would I point the other way
If you broke my heart once more, would I stay the same
If you said you were still in love, would I ever believe you
If you said I should stay, would I stay for you
If you said that it was me, would it ever be
If I ran away tonight, would you shed a tear for me


When I said that I loved you
I believed you when you said you loved me too
When I said that we could be together forever
I believed you when you said you did too
When I said that I wanted more
I believed you when you said you did too
When I said that friendship didn’t have to be the end
I couldn’t believe you when you said it was


“And in The End You Pushed Me”

Decision unseen, all had to be made
If I choose the right one will I see you again?
If I choose wrong will I ever know it was so
If I have to choose, I want to choose right
I want you to be there too
I don’t want to push, or be pushed
I just want us to be happy


“Where Eagles Dare”

Fly away tonight, you may not get another chance
Take your life tonight, I won’t let you try again
Live your life and don’t let go, you may lose your grip soon
Try as hard as you can, there is always someone holding you back
Let him go, he can’t stay any longer
He let you go, it hurt to much to chase
Fly away on wings of paper, they may burn up when you get too close
Fly away tonight, don’t be afraid to go where eagles dare


To many nights spent alone
To many nights lost
To many nights with thoughts of you
To many nights dreaming
To many nights gone bye
To many nights you’ve cried
To many nights saying good bye for the last time
To many knights lost to the heart


Eternal darkness shining
Eternal sadness smiling
Eternal death living
Eternity ending


Tears falling from the face of eternity’s fall
The words that delivered me are now destroying you
Your wings were broken, mine were gone
Life was waiting for our fall


Open a vein to show you I bleed
Open my heart to show you I feel
Open up my eyes still blinded by the sun
Open up your arms and get ready for my fall
Open up my mind and see that I have brains
Open up your life to me and I will show you truth
Open up your world to me it can be like a new birth
Open up tonight with me destiny will follow


“Poison”

Thoughts of yesterday consuming tomorrow’s hope
Dreams of the past realizations of today
Hopes long gone made to reappear
Lost chances, forgotten lies, one more chance

Hidden dreams
Angels consumed by darkness
Demons the light can not destroy
One more mind to blow

Chasing indecisions
Lost the path long ago
Time the only enemy

Soul released to the darkness
Light released to destruction
Redemption only in your eyes

Wonder down the path laid out
Wonder down the path not took
Wonder, never stop


You called so late last night, talked to me for hours
By the end tears were shed, it all seemed so clear
It was said, truth was told
I heard it all night long, the words that I knew were true
I looked so far, I didn’t look at all
It was all a dream in which I was not the dreamer
I tried to force something knowing it wasn’t right
Dream of me a little longer, don’t let this pain end
Dreams are only as strong as the dreamer, and right now I’m fucking weak


“You Named Them All”

I made this place my home
You made this place my home
They made me stay
You made me strong
Everything was against us
You made me fight
Time went bye
You stood by
Lies consumed me
You consumed the lies
Walls shot up from all around
You knocked them down
Tears were shed
You didn’t make excuses
Blood was shed
You didn’t remain the same
I said good bye
You didn’t say anything


“Blood Blossoms”

The old women sat alone not knowing of true love
The old women ate alone not knowing of true pain
The old women died alone not knowing fear of death
The old women welcomed death, as she would an old friend, not knowing of his plan
The old women lied alone not knowing of salvation
The old women left this world learning of the angel’s song
The old women waited not knowing of the judgment
The old women was pushed away not knowing of her sins
The old women lost her wings not knowing of the flames
The old women fell not knowing of her plight
The old women cried alone learning of her daughter’s loss
The old women cried alone as the blood flowers took her slowly away


Your Wings no longer supported you
They burned away in you last flight
The roses called out your name
You burned all your bridges as they burned your soul
The heart can only take so much before bursting


“One Last Night To Question”

Where did you cry last night?
Where you alone?
Was there an audience?
Was it cold?
Was it because of me?
Was it because of you?
Was it justified?
Was it all a lie?
Was it justified?
Will you see the sun tomorrow?
Will it burn your eyes one last time?
Will you see me tomorrow?
Will you go?
Will it be remembered?
Will it kill you?
Was it tonight?
Was it right?
Will I cry for me again?
Why do I question myself so much and pass it off on you?
Who has any answers?
Do I want the answers?
Can I accept the truth?


“Thanks for Saving Me From Drowning”

The flames burnt me more than I ever knew
The words burnt you more than I ever wanted
The pain was in the words I laid
The mistakes were not meant for your eyes
The talk of how much better I made you
The lies that I told myself over powered those to you
The tragedy I saw that day
The problem was all me
The mistake was all me
The words were all me


Life is Just a Circle There is No Beginning and There is No End. There is No Such Thing as Good Bye. Good Bye…

“In The Flash”

It came on like a storm that no one ever saw coming
You had grown faster than any kind of tree
Before I knew it you were over me
I needed you so bad
You no longer needed me
I held on so tight that I lost my grip
You held on tighter and didn’t slip
I held you back so far
You had so far to go
You let me go to find what life had in store for me
I couldn’t go without you
I lost myself without you



The ground was cold
The crowd was gone
The lost souls returned to there homes
The lost children returned to there mothers embrace
The fallen angels all flew away
The forgotten ones were remembered once more
I remain…alone


I met you in a day most needed
I knew it was destine that you would help me
I saw you for the one you were
I knew that it would not work
I lost my sense of self to someone I just met
I knew it would last


You called to me late one night, you said you were alone
You cried to me late one night, you said I was alone
You told me lies in the moment of truth, I knew we were alone
You left the day I didn’t look back, we felt alone
You replaced me in a heart beat, you were the one that was alone
This is saying good bye



Lost Souls Fly through the windows \
Missing friends never write home
Forgotten memories that only I can remember
Dieing so late that the alarm is still buzzing
If I lose this all tomorrow
Will you put the pieces back together
Will you show me the way I am supposed to be
Will I be ever---erything
Will I ever be


I ran as fast as I could go
I ran so fast away from you
I ran as you ran so far away
I ran so I could find a way to be who I am supposed to be
I ran as far as I could go from you
I ran so you could be better
I ran as you ran and we ran until we died


It all seemed to right, as it all fell apart
I fell so hard that I almost broke, instead you broke me
As my world was falling apart, my heart was braking faster
The morning came faster than I could ever imagine
The night destroyed me faster than you can ever know
The life I lived, I lived for you and now I live for me
I live my life for a life I can not see
Disappointment is all you see in me
My life is what I make it
You can’t control the things I do
You can‘t understand this new me
It all seems real, and I can finally be the me I am to be


Memories that mean nothing to your world
Memories that mean nothing to your pain
Memories that mean nothing to your life
Memories that mean nothing to your mistrust

My memories are all that I have to hang onto
My memories are all that I have the are mine
My memories are all that I have that no can ever take from me
My memories are all that I have to hang on to of you

Misunderstanding me is all you do
Misunderstanding me is all that you see
Misunderstanding me is all society labels me as
Misunderstanding is all that I can not to do you


Released the tension that was withheld
You held me in such high disregard
Lies are all I hear

You told me this time would be different
Abandoned from the only world I know
Lies are all you told me

Lost souls escaped
Lost moments in time
Lost for the moment of perfection

My heart is an open book
My heart is a missing
My heart is yours
My heart is black


“The Shine Anew”

The demons looming in your lonely head
The light shines upon the oceans waves
The skies brighten to sea the world as it is to you
Markers to remind you of what has come
Signs you can never forget

The angels sing to hope, a silent tune too faint to understand
The darkness creeps upon the waves and stillness is all that remains
The skies fill with water waiting to fall from your eyes
Symbols that forever remain
Lies that can not be forgotten
Pain that you can’t let go


“Untitled”

I met her and I knew
I lost her and I felt
I saw her and I thought
I missed her and I cried
I found her and I understood
I talked to her and I was whole


“The Apocalypse Came on the Wings of the Moth”

In the darkness I saw it all
In the darkness I saw her crying
In the darkness alone
In he darkness confessing her sins
In the darkness painting the room in her own life force
In the darkness making one last desperate plea for help
In the darkness hoping someone would care
In the darkness losing her faith
In the darkness turned out the light
In the darkness for the first time life made sense, as it slowly slipped away
In the darkness the light was bright enough to blind her
In the darkness she slipped away unnoticed
In the darkness alone
In the darkness forever


“Sunglasses At Midnight”

I never asked to feel like this, I never asked to feel at all
The questions I was given, I tried to answer them all
As I lay dieing I just want to say
This is the last time I will ever feel pain
I waked out the door, you said good bye
The pleasant night air, the wind through the tree
Knowing forever that you were meant to be free
Knowing that this is the last line you’ll ever read
I hope that your happy, hope nothing hurts
This is my confession, my one lasting dream
This is my good bye, tomorrow I am free
Tonight I say good bye, tonight I sped my wings
This will be the last time you have to give to me
This is the last night that I will ever see
My eyes are finally open and it just hurts too much to see…


Pushed to my Knees I ask for guidance and only feel pain, this is my prayer position


“Confessions of a Late Night Sin”

I push the needles beneath my skin
I pull the pain back out
I lose myself to memories of you
I know one last time won’t do me harm
I see it all so clear
I ask for help
I ask for you
I know it’s wrong
I know your heart belongs to him
I step aside
I cry
I will someday die
Someday I will be alone
Alone forever


The Love of another tearing me apart
I am stuck in the middle, with a bleeding heart
It hurts so bad to not be with you
Life is pain, but this is torture
You open up so fast, you open up so far
I felt so comfortable, I felt so free
I don’t know how to say it
I think this may be wrong, I think this may be right
I think this could be the end


“Mourning Angels : The Last Sunrise”

She ran out of sight
She ran so far
So fast
She felt the blows
She felt the pain
The burses would heal
She cut herself free
She cut herself deep
The pain subsided
She spread her wings
She became so heavenly
The angels opened up there arms
She wept for days
She wept forever
The tears never stopped


“1 ½”

Pushed to my knees, I prayed for you
You pushed so hard my knees bled
I ask for forgiveness for all my sins
I got no response

Pushed to my limits I tried to step back
You took me to the edge, and pushed
I asked for you to love me
I got no response

Pushed to the end, I said good bye
You said it had to be
I asked why
I got no response

Silence is the only answer



My heart belonged to you
You belonged to another
I asked why you couldn’t love me
The answer I had heard a thousand times
Just once I wish that love could be for me
In the end I know it will be
But tomorrow seems so far from here
Today just seems to last forever


The man walked in the room, said hi to all his friends
The woman sat alone, sipping on tea and wisdom
The children were all growing, thinking they were gods
The world was overflowing, with stories of mice and men
The answers all seemed so clear, on that clear September night
The only thing that we never had, a single reason to fight
The day was ours to lose
The night was ours to win
The end was far away
The end was yesterday


“Only You Can Know The Truth”

I told you I would be here forever
I told you only lies
I told you this was the end
I told you, you were special
I told you things
I told you times
I told you all I know
I told you this was it
I told you I was done
I told you good bye
I told you, you would never die
I told you only lies
I told myself the lies


“Forboden”

If you go to sleep tonight, if you ever sleep again
Remember me, for who I’ve been
I am not the one they think they know
Lost in a sea of forbidden woe
I lived my life, I tried my best
Don’t cry for me, I want no mess
This is good bye, but not for long
Listen to the lyrics of my song


“Where Did You Sleep Last Night?”

The ivy is growing on her wings
The earth pulling her down
The weight of her wings, growing
The tear in her eyes
The only way to escape
The only love she knows
The stone, her eternal prison
The stone, the only home she knows
The stone, her everlasting memory


“Make A Wish, It’s 2:22”

How do you tell her she makes you feel alive?
How do you tell her that she makes you cry?
How do you tell her you feel the way about her she does about him?
How do you tell her everything?
How do you tell her your everything she needs?
How do you tell her she is everything you need?
How do you tell her it was meant to be?
How do you tell her anything?


I thought I had it one more time
I thought I felt it one more time
I thought it could be great one more time
I thought I could do it one more time
I thought I wouldn’t get hurt one more time
I thought someone cared one more time
I thought I could open my heart one more time
I thought I had one more time
I thought I would cry one last time


“Six Feet Down You Don’t Hear me Screaming”

It was the last time that she said my name
In the pouring rain she saw my pain
In the night I said good bye

This was last time I would show you me
This was the last time I would be alive

Sitting alone in the moonlight, no one can hurt you
In the darkness no one will judge you
In your sorrow no one is let in

This was last time I would show you me
This was the last time I would be alive

One last night to say my name
One last night to grieve
One last chance to be forgiven
One last night to sin


I lost my muse
I lost it all
I lost my faith
I lost it all



The Word Has Gone and Left Me Here

The true life that we see today
The true life you thought you know
The true life you left behind
The true life just a lie

The word never stops spining
Always revolving
The world is dieing one day at a time
Always evolving
The world ends tonight
Always decaying

Truth is in the consicuences
Truth is in your head
Truth is in the last place discovered
Truth is the last of my concerns
Truth is in effect
Truth is lie